Odd Job!

Guest 1: (enthusiastically) "Hi, so what do you you do?"

Amy: (with nonchanlance) "I'm in speed and risk management!"

Choose your Typeface! (The Avant Garde)

Very Avant-garde!

Hard-core!

Up the Rickitt!

Great News! Shortland Street, the New Zealand hospital soap is currently being broadcast to British audiences as week day double bill installments on Living TV. However, unbeknown to me it turns out that hunky soap/pop star heart throb Adam Rickitt of Coronation Street fame has been a regular member of the soap's cast since 2007 - playing the mysterious Kieran Mitchell. Unfortunately he was recently killed off in the soap by slipping off a cliff during a fight. However, Living TV are showing episodes that started at the point where Rickitt first joined the cast back in 2007; so we can all follow our Adam and see him do us proud down under. I was actually quite relieved to find out what Adam had been doing as I was starting to worry about him!

However, when I think about Rickett I can't help but draw parallels with Jason Donovon. They both were/are the blond soap hunks that have noted pop careers and have mutual cross hemispheric appreciation; Kiwi's being very familiar with Rickitt before his Shortland Street role, as Coronation Street is immensely popular over there having a prime time evening slot. Like many Antipodeans, we have welcomed Jason with open arms and supported him throughout his chequered career.


Jason is indeed part of the British establishment, our colonial migratory connections can somehow put us at ease with the accent. I now realise that I must sound very English, as it feels natural to hear Jason or any of his Australian contemporaries on British television; the Australian accent being reminiscent of a hybridised cockney form, the experience ultimately feeling like some pseudo colonial homecoming. It is the total antithesis to the experience of watching someone like John Barrowman on television where he has probably just said something mildly suggestive to a housewife and I wonder to myself - "who are you? What are you doing on this prime time slot? I know that are actually Scottish but so is Gordon Ramsey!" I simply can't relate to him the same way I can't relate to 'Days of our Lives'.


Because of the lack of British cultural signifier like cricket or English muffins in an American soap, a distance is created; I don't necessarily become despondent but I may start to imagine things that I shouldn't, like what the film set is like. I may imagine the camera zooming out to a series of warren like sets enclosed in a gated warehouse complex somewhere not too far from the ocean in LA. At at its best it can be intriguing, evoking a kind of warped Lynchesque non place but that is not the function of a soap. Soaps role are to create another life that we can supposedly relate to, albeit one that is highly exaggerated!


The beauty of Australian soaps for a Brit are the colloquialisms that are commonly shared, which can result in a cross cultural sense of identification. It may be present when a greeting such as "ta love" is used in Neighbours or a sport as essentially English as cricket or rugby is referenced. However, the differences between cultures are enough to incite a alien fascination resulting in this strange paradox that lets us imagine a second life for one's self down under. Just like one of those television programmes that enables a British family to test drive a new better quality of life in Australia, at first I may struggle with adjusting to the nuances of my new way of life, but ultimately I will relish this more temperate climate and easy going way of life.


I remember how everyone used to talk about Neighbours, but since its move to Channel 5 and its subsequent downfall it certainly looks like it's heyday is over for the time being. You could even say there is something incredibly British about this snubbing of Neighbours because it is no longer represented under the establishment of the BBC. I mean all it takes is to change the channel to 5 but "no, we are to good for that - we do not want to be subject to advertisements". Not even the cult success of Dr Karl Kennedy seems to be able to revive it!


But as all great civilisations can fade into the distance, others come into fruition and take over the mantle. Just as another British trait is going with the underdog maybe it is time to give something else a chance. New Zealand - the humble sibling has a lot to offer with Shortland Street, why don't we give it a chance? For one Adam Rickitt is in it and if it becomes successful it may eventually get a permanent terrestrial screening. I think it essential for the British keep the tradition of the antipodean soap opera, as it can act as an important anthropological lesson. This isn't just 80's/90's childhood nostalgia, the golden age of the antipodean soap opera has not died but is taking a period of reflection and reconfiguration. Remember, Shortland is broadcast 18.00 - 19.00 every weekday on Living TV.

Cheap Shit

Is this 'Works' store really closing down? I don't know but I'm very sceptical considering Works shops seem to have a perpetual sale, close down temporally then reappear as variously similar apparitions. You would have thought we would have learnt our lesson by now, but we love cheap shit and the only thing better than cheap shit is cheap cheap shit (cheap shit that's in a sale)! I love it when such stores have these crazy sales and they suddenly take on the form of a private shop, blocking up the windows; so as to shield passers by of the lewd and criminally cheap acts that are taking place inside.



I can indeed make a mockery out of this now but there was a time when I was more effected by such high street tactics. The mid 90's fashion institution that was Eisenegger told hold of me with its seemingly Swiss, outdoor functionality available with a banging 70 % discount! One of my various purchases was a blue puffer jacket which I kidded myself was the genuine outdoor article with its evocations of Helvetica, Swiss army knife, European design, Ë - Ikea-esque accented outdoor utilitarianism braving the fierce Scando/European alpine winter sports wear - Volvo T5 cool.



However, we/I started to realise these garms were pretty shoddy and that Eiseneger wasn't a premium European fashion brand nor a sister brand of Ellese (can't remember if that was a common myth or just mine); we went quiet and our praise for these fashions disintegrated overnight just as quickly as the clothes did! I was left ashamed with a faded blue 'Michelin man' jacket with the stitching coming out exposing the synthetic cotton wool like inner.

Found Object

Cult Icon!

Idea for TV programme #1

Everyone's TV favourite no nonsense hardmen Ross Kemp and Dominic Littlewood discuss complaints sent in by their viewers at a pub regarding experiences with rogue traders, cowboy builders and con artists, whilst they both get fired up on premium lager. They then go and pay the culprits a suprise visit at their home and beat them to within an inch of their lives. I think it would make a good late night weekend slot to deter the public from binge drinking and violence.

Scotswood

These are photographs of one of the last turn of the century terrace houses at Scotswood in the west end of Newcastle to be demolised as part of the areas major regeneration scheme.

Gaseous Matter

Ive been looking at gas fires for my house recently (don't know why because its the middle of summer) and I'm very disappointed with the majority of what I've seen; a plethora of tacky gold chrome or classical pastiche.




Or something that looks more like a flat screen television that can fit neatly and discreetly into a very bland modern home. You just imagine the postmodern marketing design philosophy behind such appliances; being about the neanderthal in us watching the fire the same way as we would a television screen.

Even the Smeg fire doesn't really do it for me compared to how their fridges turn me on! They just look like one of those digital photo frames - which I can't stand, no one can ever be arsed to recharge the batteries so they just sit there useless just wishing that they had even the generic couple picture that all manual photo frames come with as standard.

However, if you are after a true retro gas appliance then you may be surprised to know that there are range of design classics that continue to be produced today by the company Flavel. Below is the Flavel Firenza; its retro styling is matched by its impressive heat output.

To me its shimmery beauty matches that of an Italia Rimini guitar; Ive had my eye of this axe for a while now and I think it has got to be the most schexxiest guitar out there.

Below are two more models that Flavel run. First there is the Renaissance in black, 'its stylish retro design is matched by its forward thinking efficiency'.

And below is the 'efficient and adaptable' Misermatic in teak finish - this has got to be my favourite encased in 'real wood'.

I can see an OAP that likes what they know opting for the Misermatic in teak, their original 70's model is a death trap and carbon monoxide poisoning is a obvious risk. However, the beauty of these classics even with their modern efficiency is that they look a little dangerous, like they could snap any moment - like a muzzled dog. To put aesthetics aside, I feel gas fires should look menacing, I fear we could become too complacent with our flat screen hearths and their virtual heat. Fires need to be tangible, we need to feel the warmth but at the same time be aware of their power. Therefore the more institutional a gas fire looks the better; to remind us of its inherent power but to formalise it not to imitate.

Hair of the dead dog

Art vs Magic

vs

You decide...

What's Great about Yarmouth?

Today I visited Great Yarmouth for the first time! I was very intrigued by the place; a town where industry and tourism seem to collide, resulting in something like a apocolyptic Mad Max scenario.


One thing that messed me up a little was the number of chip stalls around a confined area of the town centre. Within a space of 50 square metres there were at least 7 chip stands, however I have heard reports that there can be up to 13 at any given time.


However, these stands were not generic fast food outlets that sold a selection of fast foods, but instead were soley devoted to the chip and condiment market.


It almost feels like there is a law set in place which gives the freemen of Great Yarmouth the right to sell chips in the town centre. Was this plot in the town centre exempt from the enclosures act enabling free reign to fry?

This chip stall above was closed today! Due to the number of stalls do they rotate the days they are allowed to trade so as to make the chip market more sustainsable. I know this is a system that some towns operate with regards to fast food outlets; allowing several takeaways to operate - which can prevent a monopoly.


Unfortunately, I did not get a chance to try the chips as I did not have time. However, I hope to be back in Yarmouth over the following weeks as I have questions that need answering.

Work and Leisure

I won't stop until I've got a corner group sofa! I will then rest a while before I embark on the building of a square - made out of corner groups.

It won't be until then that I know I have truly made it.

Idea for a film # 1

A psychological, sexual paranoid thriller romance set in and around the Denys Lasdun designed brutalist University of East Anglia campus and Norman Foster's Sainsbury's Centre.

As most students have gone home for the summer vacation, 1st year fine art students Charlie and Lola (played by James Van der Beeke and Katie Holmes respectively and perpetually 19) stay for the remaining summer in their infamous zigurrat halls of residence as vacation wardens. Before they know it they become romantically entangled in a tumultuous love affair that lasts for six heady weeks.

Naive and in love, Jake and Florence think they have found their own utopia, a total space in their desolate institutional hinterland (set on greenbelt land on the cusp of Norwich city centre); their idle summer days spent swimming in the campus lake and seeing the Francis Bacon's at the Sainsbury's centre.

However, when a native American carved effigy mysteriously disappears from the Sainsbury collection, their utopia and romance is soon turned upside down. Will Charlie and Lola make it through their dystopic downfall and descend into postmodern mundanity or have a preservation order put into place to save them.

Think William Egglestone's saturated summer romance meets cold, brutal Kubrick. The film will be incredibly pretentious containing jokes only art scholars will understand. The films underlying message symbolises the death of modernism, a very intentionally average post modern sequel will probably follow featuring cameo roles by Norwich's very own Alan Partridge and Delia Smith.

Very informative

Have you ever been in a rush to catch the last post and you realise you need something quite menial like a ball of string or sellotape for a package and you haven’t got time to go into town to get them from Wilkinson’s (because they are cheap). Well, you now start to pin all hopes on your humble local shop to equip you with the fore mentioned articles. After a short walk of trepidation and thoughts of coming back empty handed you enter the shop. You now start to see the shop anew, like it was the first time; noticing things available for purchase that you've never spotted before!

Sewing kits, measuring tapes, a disparate selection of stationary, a mini screwdriver set and sun bleached pastel toned greetings cards can more often than not be found there (often hooked onto cardboard sheets in extremely awkward places). I find this hinterland of dusty neglected miscellany quite absurd - a sombre yet depressingly optimistic space that relies on the fact that there will always be someone desperate enough to pay over the odds for sundry items that have been there since the last Tory government.

Such an experience can prove somewhat distressing, especially as you frantically search with your imminent last post sweat on. However, the fine people of Crossley Wines in Fenham, Newcastle upon Tyne are trying to counteract such predicaments and have kindly notified their customers and passing trade of new items that they now sell in store; these being stamps, candles and balloons. I really appreciate this combination of goods as well as informative and advertising qualities the poster presents. I don't know whether Crossley Wines saw a market for stamps, balloons and candles in Fenham and were simply advertising their niche, or they had had many enquiries into whether they stocked such goods - and were now reassuring their public.

Whatever the reason, I would rather not know because the enchantment would be lost. However, I am sincerely touched by this poster and its personal undertones. The addition of 'at your Crossley' and a smiley face footer is naively endearing and presents to us a pride and personalised service that is often lacking from many a shopping experience.

This is not some quirky Innocent smoothiesque promotion of 'look at all the good things that are inside of me', or an alienated economies attempt to promote some kind of commercial togetherness. Oh no, this poster is a representation of Crossley Wines duty to the people of Fenham and they are proud of this. Crossley, we salute you.